Wings Don't Make You Weightless, People Do
by sheriberryy
Summary: Set after 8x23; Castiel falls asleep while reading with Sam in the bunker, only to be found by Dean (Team Free Will); mentions of the events of 8x17 and 8x21


Wings Don't Make you Weightless, People Do

_A/N: This was supposed to be all fluffy about Cas falling asleep while reading with Sam, but then I ended up watching Taxi Driver (8x19) and saw Dean and Benny's scenes again and how hard it was for Dean so I ended up thinking about vice versa for Cas in Goodbye Stranger (8x17). Sigh, I'm sorry my feelings may have made it go all over the place, too. If you do enjoy it, or read or review though, thank you! Oh! Also inspired by the idea of Dean sneaking up on a sleeping Cas, that I saw on tumblr, so credit goes to the person who thought of that too!  
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"Hey Cas according to this-" Sam paused once his eyes had lifted from the old pages of writing on the table.

He was now staring at Castiel quietly sleeping and using a closed Greek mythological encyclopedia as a pillow.

He smiled at the closed eyes and even breathing before him.

They had been going through the Men of Letters' records for a few hours now and Cas had still been adjusting to some of his...newly formed needs.

Although the shorter, blue eyed man took pride in his biological knowledge of the human body, that same pride in the general facts blinded him from realizing his own body's limitations.

The smile on Sam's face became a small smirk as he recalled Castiel's determination a half an hour ago to stay up and help him.

_"The average adult human being is recommended 8 hours of sleep to allow the body to recuperate, replenish its self, and allow the division and regeneration of cells to occur which enables healing. However, what is recommended is never necessarily required, as you know. You and Dean only require..."_ He makes air quotes with his fingers. _"...your 4 hours."_

Sam smiled helplessly before grabbing the trench coat at the back of Castiel's chair to now drape it over his gently rising and falling shoulders.

He simply shook his head, placing a pile of books in one hand, and decided to move this review session to his room instead.

After a few minutes had passed, Dean walked past the book cases and shelves to the familiar brown table covered in files and books.

"Hey Sammy, how's about we hop off the Reading Rainbow for today and get some shut-" He had stopped, once he recognized the sleeping figure, his voice dropping lower. "-eye."

Dean slowly approached the sleeping man, grinning.

Maybe Cas will suddenly wake up, see him, freak out, and finally realize how creepy he's really been all these years.

"Hmm..." Castiel's brows furrowed, and Dean was hopeful it was a sign his eyes would open and he'd get him to flinch.

"Dean." His voice was low as he mumbled. "Dean?"

The wide smile that had stretched across the taller man's face immediately faltered as he sighed."Yeah Cas, you got me. I was trying to-"

"Dean...Dean, Dean!" His tired whispers had now become frantic calls.

Castiel's closed eyes shut more tightly and he winced as if there was a blinding light inside his head.

He had been using his arms as a pillow under his head to rest on top of the encyclopedia, but was now pushing the book due to his sudden, shifting. His relaxed fingers from moments ago began to clench and tighten beneath him, as well.

Dean's hand was now on the chair behind Castiel's shoulders as he leaned down, green eyes worriedly scanning his friend's face.

"Cas? Cas." He placed his other hand firmly on Castiel's shoulder, hoping the grip would wake him.

"Mmm, Ugh." The sleeping man grunted and shook his head from left to right repeatedly.

His rapid whispers and chants suddenly turned into a terrified, painful voice.

"I won't hurt Dean!"

Tears silently escaped his closed eyes.

"...Dean...I'm sorry!"

The hunter's eyes widened as he roughly shook the other man's shoulder. "Cas! Cas, wake up!"

Castiel's eyes shot open quickly and widened, as he turned to grasp onto both of Dean's arms as if on reflex.

His mouth opened and his breathing hitched as he exhaled in shaky waves, as if his lungs themselves were stuttering.

Tears had flooded the rims of his blue irises and gently streamed down his bottom lashes falling to his cheeks; similar to rain droplets that slowly slid down a glass window.

He grit his teeth and his brow furrowed as his grip on the taller man's arms tightened.

"How many times must she make me kill you?" His voice was hoarse and trembling as he looked up into green eyes, pleading.

A sob shook his body. "How many of you must die by my hands?"

Dean's eyes widened and his mouth slightly opened as he immediately realized what Castiel's nightmare was about.

He inhaled sharply.

"Cas." His voice was gentle as he leaned down. One of his hands grasping firmly onto the back of the seated man's neck with his thumb against his cheek, while the other grasped his shoulder. Castiel had never let go of the tight grip he had on Dean's forearms.

His green eyes peered into shining, watery blue ones.

"Cas, I'm not-" He shook him gently, hoping to reach him. "I'm right here, man. This is real." Dean's voice was firm and steady, the words tangible on his tongue.

Castiel's fingers trembled against Dean's skin, his eyes never breaking away from the hunter's. "But, I-I killed...I've hurt you, Dean, so many times." His head dropped to the floor, helplessly. His grip on Dean loosened, and his arms fell slowly into his lap as he whispered, _"I've killed so many."_

Dean looked down, his eyes meeting the back of his friend's dark hair. Finally he let a pained expression escape his strong, steady exterior because Cas wasn't looking anymore and he really didn't need to see him broken, too.

That last statement did tug annoyingly at him though, because he was unsure what he was referring to. From what Cas's dream sounded like, Naomi had fucked with him to the point of making him kill him multiple times. But Cas did do alot of damage while he had leviathans clawing around inside him, or could he have possibly meant all the other angels that died through his misfortune and confusion?

Dean suddenly wished for Sam to be in the room instead, because he was never good at talking about these things and honestly the list of blood on Cas's hands was too much.

Castiel liked coffee and animals, and prided himself in helping the human beings he was trained to view as disposable. Goddammit, he had been an angel that simply thought the monotonous route a single honey bee took from flower to flower to flower, was one of the most beautiful and complex procedures of the world.

He shook his head, now wasn't the time to think about the past.

Because without his wings, Cas needed something else to pick him up off his feet.

Finally Dean took a deep breath, squaring his shoulders and raising his chest; a habit he had always done before a fight.

He knelt down, one knee touching the floor, hoping to meet Castiel's gaze once again. "Cas...look at me."

The shorter man shook his head and scoffed bitterly at the floor. "I could have easily killed you and have had no recollection of it, at all." The disdain in his voice faltered and Dean swore all he heard was pain and defeat. "She's done it before, you know? Tore inside my head and washed it clean...more times than I'll ever know."

It's the way Cas sounded like he had accepted this soulless manipulation of his entire being, like it was _expected_, like it was _okay to be used_, that scared Dean. He has felt low before and he, himself, has danced on that border between fighting against the heavy chains weighing him down, struggling to lift them, or sinking like anchor and losing himself to that downward spiral.

Dean had seen a broken Cas before too, a cynical, hapless, hopeless man dwelling in a future they successfully avoided.

The hunter had meant it when he told the angel to never change.

However, angel or not, he just wanted Cas to be Cas. He wanted him to proudly break into weird stories or facts about the scientific names of flowers or the origin of coffee beans, in his failed attempts at small talk. He wanted him to keep that wonder and awe he had for even his father's simplest creations. The hunter had lost that kind of appreciation for the world a long time ago, but no, not Cas.

Cas wasn't meant to lose himself, and Dean wouldn't let him.

Without thinking, his arms reached out automatically at his resolve and swiftly pulled the seated man onto the floor with him and into his embrace.

He held him in the same protective manner their father, as a little boy, had probably clung onto his favorite teddy bear their grandfather had given him before leaving. With his arms wrapped around him tightly, it was reminiscent of a child's plea to never let go of a memory.

If he had to be the temporary pulley system that lifted Cas up off his feet, then so be it.

After everything he and Sam had been through, sharing someone else's weight alongside his own, was nothing new.

He pat the back of the now calm man in his arms, as his voice came out clear and unyielding. "But, you didn't. _You_ stopped. I'm right here, buddy. You _never_ killed me." His chin sat on top of Castiel's shoulder as he spoke softer, now. "And that's all that matters."

He smiled softly, when he finally felt the other man's arms slowly wrap around his back and gently return the hug.


End file.
